i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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