i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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