She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
