My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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