awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
