8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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