I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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