Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
