I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
