He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Help me help you realize you are a moron
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
