whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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