i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
