you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
