Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
