Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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