Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
