i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
