You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
