So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
