Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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