I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
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