apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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