i just sent this text using only my big toe
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
