Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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