just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
