I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
