haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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