you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
