as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
