the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
