At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize