I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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