I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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