Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
