i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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