Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
