dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
