I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
3 2 1 whiskey
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
