1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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