Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
