Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's never too late to be topless.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
