Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
sarcasm needs its own font
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
