in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
