bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
