Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
