I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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