Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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