I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
