But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize