Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
