not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
