We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
