I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
