I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize