i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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