I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
