there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
