I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
im on a boat
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