also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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