we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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