She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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