We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
