when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
