I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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