Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
