shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize