mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
where am i from again
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
