Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
