So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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