he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
