Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
