No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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