My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
