Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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