I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just threw up on my dentist
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
