I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize